Дякую за переклади, ЛЮ!
я за вашими віршами вивчаю англійську :))

Ох і зачепило...МАГІЯ. Вітаю зі святом!

May I? ;o) Or shall we?

I don’t like free verse that much but have a few points to make here.

1. chimera is a noun, chimeric(al)? A noun cluster doesn’t work here…

2. THE sky – always (for objects of which there’s only one in existence)

3. all those
chaotically
wanderING in the sky
chimerical orbs – orbs (which ones?) wandering… present participle=adjective

4. “gaining weight” – you know it makes me think of gaining a few extra pounds ‘cause sb likes cookies too much… but that’s me… :o)


5. just forgetting
about the wounds
the Universe’s inception

having forgotten – since they had forgotten before
they “thought” that there “was” no one in the heavens

and…

which wounds?

Having forgotten
About the wounds
Left by … or OF… or FROM what… you can find sth suitable yourself…

6. it’s better to say “in the beginning” when it stands alone…

at the beginning of a (+ noun)…

also because:

"In the beginning" are the first 3 words of many English translations of the Hebrew Old Testament; therefore, because for many English speakers, they resonate with religiosity, they are used less often than "at the beginning."

But that is exactly WHAT YOU need here.

Blowing kisses and all that, Nat :o)