Four husbands and six children—and alone.
“Don’t leave this one” (I begged her)-- “I’ll OD*”.
She owes a hundred thousand dollars loan
To be the one she’s never gonna be.

Her thoughts are jumpy, I can never tell
What’s true and what is due to “episode”**.
She needs a new prescription but –oh well-
Her disability*** does not permit a lot.

She is surviving –and she has her pride,
She’s hungry, but she wouldn’t eat the carbs.
Two of her husbands died of suicide,
The last one calls—she cannot stand his guts.

She’d like to see her children, but they won’t
Pick up the phone or send her single word,
They all have jobs, but somehow cannot bond—
Their love affairs are hopelessly absurd.

She had a short and passionate affair
(she still is flirty, fifty eight and cute)
And hoped—at last he was the one for her,
They’d both divorce their spouses (hers-- a “brute”).

She washed his clothes (thanks to the machine),
No cooking—if her life depends on this,
She’s all chaotic and she cannot clean,
But it was make or break-- she tried to please.

He started to neglect her—and she knew
It was the time to ask him face to face
About his plans, he suddenly withdrew
Into the silent and uneasy place.

She’s in depression now and not as trim,
As she was only couple weeks ago.
He shed some tears while she was leaving him
But what it matters if he let her go?

She’s tired and is struggling every day,
She rents a room and all her cats are gone.
Her landlord is a pain about the pay,
Their house is ruled by his preschooler son.

He is just five but he controls the roost,
His mother, sisters serve the men in house,
This is a Muslim family, to boot
And husband wants to take a second spouse.

Sometimes they quarrel—Suzie cannot sleep,
And early in the morning hell is raised:
Boy runs through house in one tornado sweep—
She’ll grin and bear it with pretended grace.

She looks for work, but haven’t found so far,
Food banks supply with cans of beans to bake,
Front bumper of her yellow little car
Is kept in place by black electric tape.

I store her things to help her save on fees,
But I cannot provide her daily bread,
How tired and how cold she has to be,
Exhausted and bewildered, lost and mad.

She needs a friendly care and safety zone
To ease her self-inflicted constant pain.
She left today a message on my phone—
I know she is in trouble yet again.

They teach them: move ahead and thrash about,
Be a success and all around good sport.
How many will destruct themselves without
Involuntary kindness of the sort?

2014

* To OD--to overdose
**Manic-depressive "episode"
***Disability medical insurance