... і то було нелегко - передати тепло й глибину оригіналу, але ЛЮ зміг, як на мене. Вітаю, гарно!

Взагалі , дуже люблю А. Багряну. Обридалася, коли читала її книгу " Дивна така любов". Не знаю, як там із стрункістю виконаної тобою роботи, але приємно , що ця молода і самобутня авторка перекладається.ЛЮ.)

Hi!

This is great but I (of course :o) have a few itsy-bitsy suggestions:

I believe this phrase requires possessive “teddy bear’s torn paw” …

It might be better to use “like” or “as” without “if” – it’s a regular simile: like (or as) a teddy bear’s torn paw…
“As if” (as though) is used in a clause (in a hypothetical situation/unreal past perfect conditional): they were upset as if (as though) they’d lost something…

Why not say “Christmas”? “The Holidays” is plural and a bit vague… or the Holiday – but it doesn’t sound the same…

I suggest – “THE shadow” with a definite article (we know which one) and singular… a tree has ONE shadow…

And the last strophe: you used zero conditional – it has future meaning… But here is a clear case of hypothetical conditional 2 (even though the original seems to be in present tense):

this is something
as if the sun knelt

(oh yeah: an idea: where land, not sewn to the sky, dangles… sort of “always” and not using progressive anywhere else emphasizes this… like in your second strophe: where the Lord’s hand doesn’t (EVER!!) touch…)

and beseeched forgiveness
from you
and me
for
warming
our hearts
belatedly

I am not being nasty, am I? ;o) wouldn’t wanna… I’m a puppy :o))))

дуже багато у перекладі ЛЮ :о)))